Learning how to navigate conflict in relationships is essential to interpersonal health, and every relationship will experience conflict at some point in its duration. Many individuals struggle when they come up against conflict with someone who is always right, regardless of the facts in the situation. Though an inherent need to be right all of the time can be attributed to many different underlying issues, understanding how to handle these interactions can be a huge interpersonal stress reliever.
When engaged in a discussion with someone who is always right, it is inevitable to feel as if you are being personally attacked—and to wonder if that person is out to push your buttons. This internal reaction can immediately trigger strong negative emotions that stand to further disrupt the conflict without intervention.
The first step in more effectively responding in these situations is to recognize that people who always need to be right have likely developed that issue long before their interaction with you. It is not a personal attack and should be viewed as a learned behavior instead. Separating yourself from their learned behaviors can immediately give some relief to escalating emotions. An internal dialogue reminding yourself that their need to be right is not a personal assault can often calm you down and allow you to move on from the discussion more readily.
An individual who always needs to be right during conflict can be an energy drainer. Spending copious amounts of your personal energy trying to defend your point of view, point out discrepancies in their reasoning, and use examples of their mistaken assumptions will typically only lead to your own burnout—potentially expressed in verbal aggression and uncontrolled emotions.
Learning the timing of when to throw up a white flag and calmly walk away from conflict that is going nowhere is invaluable. When situations are escalating, emotions are heating up, and you have been talking in circles for an extensive amount of time, it’s best to assertively state you are going to leave the conflict. Direct communication is key—and it may take you more than one time to make this statement clear, as individuals who enjoy arguing will rarely end conflict until they feel vindicated in some way.
It is imperative that you learn your own signals of reaching the point of no return and equally important that you are able to stop and take time away from the conflict as soon as you’ve identified them. Using a canned phrase repeatedly may seem contrary to genuine communication, but when you are trying to leave an emotionally charged situation that has no end in sight, it’s best to take the emotions out of your communication and leave for some respite. Making a statement as simple as “I need some time away from this discussion to think about it” or “I don’t feel like continuing at this moment will help either of us” can be invaluable in buying you some perspective.
Feeling an urge to point it out when someone is hurtfully engaging in conflict or making it challenging to actually resolve anything and move forward is completely natural. Unfortunately, this reaction will help neither party and is likely to create more dissonance.
Blaming creates increased problems, whereas taking responsibility for your own actions can resolve issues. Problems arise when you are involved in a heated debate with someone who is a pro at blaming others—and individuals who always need to be right have likely mastered this skill. Recognizing ahead of time that they will probably try to blame you, or at a minimum avoid taking responsibility for their own words or actions, can remove some of the sting when it actually happens. Expect for the blame game to surface during these discussions, but refuse to play at all costs. Blaming someone who always needs to be right will not nudge them towards taking responsibility; instead, it will find you playing right into their trap and will open up opportunities for them to jump to the victim role, up the ante on emotionality, or turn the tables on you.
THE BASICSThe best reaction in these situations can often be to calmly but assertively state your part in the conflict, accept responsibility verbally for your own actions, and immediately temper your expectation that the opposing party will do the same. However, it does take away some of their power when you proactively admit your own role in the argument. This can give you an opening to end the conflict and walk away—and if you feel it is a topic worth taking a stand on, you can always leave with the invitation for them to identify their own function in the argument when they feel ready to do so.
People who always want to be right tend to be experts at incorporating non-relevant information into every argument. Incidents from years ago, situations that have already been resolved, and their own past experiences can be quick ammunition to launch in the current attack. Staying ahead of this pattern will conserve your energy and avoid rehashing things that have no bearing on the present.
